Hi Horsegirl
I understand why you feel rejected but when a compulsive gambler feels compelled to indulge his addiction, he rejects and hurts himself. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you did, or what you said, your partner has lost his way and until he finds himself he will not have the mental capacity to take responsibility for your feelings.
It is very likely that when he made promises to you, he meant them but as soon as the addiction beast was triggered his promises became worthless.
His behaviour is typical of a man with a gambling addiction and now it is down to you what you are going to do. If you continue to enable him with smokes and gas money you will be feeding his addiction and I know that is not what you want to do. The addiction to gamble is not about money – your partner will view money as a means to an end and the end is ‘the gamble’. Every time a gambling debt is cleared, in whole or part, the gambler can forget that debt and gamble again – it is a never ending circle and friends and family often get caught up in it. You should not feel ashamed of what has gone before, you trusted your partner and you didn’t understand what was making him behave as he has been doing.
Your partner will say anything to get money to gamble; he will lie to cover his addiction; he will not be considering your feelings but he will probably not be meaning to hurt you.
I think that maybe it would be good if you told your partner that you have sought help so that he can see that you are taking his problem seriously, even if he is not. Perhaps you could download the 20-Questions from the Gambler’s Anonymous website for him. It might help him to recognise that his behaviour is unacceptable.
Alcohol problems often go hand-in-hand with the addiction to gamble. Alcohol lowers the gambler’s resistance and the gamble takes priority.
The most important thing you can do Horsegirl is protect your own emotions and finances. You do matter, you are unique and special and you don’t deserve this treatment but sadly your partner has an addiction that he neither asked for nor wanted.
Put yourself together first, renew any friendships you may have ignored because of worrying about your partner’s problem, renew hobbies and interests, anything that takes you away from thoughts of gambling and allows you to live in control of your life again.
Please post again, you are understood here, you are not alone and I will walk with you for as long as you want me to do so.
Your partner can control his addiction but he does need support.
I wish you peace this Christmas.
Velvet
