Gambling Therapy logo
#6905
velvet
Moderator

Hi Ilaria
One of the greatest things about sharing is the realisation that you are not alone.
Your boyfriend making this so-called report to the police is as unlikely as me being a monkey’s uncle! It is not just illogical thinking; it is an actively addicted gambler’s manipulation and doesn’t surprises me in the least.
If it happens again, I don’t think there is any point in going through your bank accounts to prove anything – you have nothing to prove. Always keep in your mind that you are telling the truth and his words should go over your head.

When your boyfriend spouts off with lies it is good to stand back and just listen without trying to argue because arguing only brings you into an argument that has no point apart from making you feel less in control – once you begin to put your side then his addiction has something to get its teeth into.
Many F&F have successfully used the analogy that the addiction is a beast lying in the corner of the room, watching and listening for any opportunity to leap out and unleash its twisted version of the truth. As long as you keep your cool, the beast will stay quiet but once an argument starts, it will seek to take control of the conversation and all you will hear is the beast speaking. This might sound a little negative but the positive side is that it keeps you out of the eye of the storm and allows you time and energy to look after yourself.
A CG, who lives in control of his addiction told me that when F&F speak in can be like hearing white noise – so as long as you are putting your side, your boyfriend is not hearing what you are saying. His addicted mind will be drastically altering your words to fit his personal perception.
There is a lot of support for your boyfriend so although I paint a gloomy picture, I always have hope that good will come out of evil. I am only here because I know that compulsive gamblers can control their addiction and lead wonderful lives but it takes courage to face the gambling demon and sadly many gamblers resist trying until they lose all hope themselves.
Maybe you could download the 20-Questions from the Gamblers Anonymous web side for him. They can help a gambler to see the severity of his actions. Although this is obviously not always the case.
I look forward to ‘meeting’ you tomorrow evening
Velvet