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Welcome to the forum. You write very eloquently about the battle within and it makes for an interesting read. . I see gsmbling almost as a separate entity like a beast or demon. I am now 19 months gf but I still remember how progressive it all was and how I would have a voice telling me to gamble today and u will win. 80 per cent of the time it was right but a big win never stays there. It isn’t real money, just numbers on a page and it always goes back and more. It feeds the beast 7ntil there is nothing left of who we used to be. Getting in touch with our higher power whatever we believe that to be is often the turning point for addicted gamblers. It was for me. We lose ourselves and turn to the dark side, if you like when gambling, or at least the destructive side of ourselves. The world and ourselves are a mix of darkness and light. Today and every day I choose to switch the light on and surrender to my higher power.