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#4260
velvet
Moderator

Hi Ivy
Many compulsive gamblers say they stop at certain things but if the addiction is not treated it is impossible to say how far they would go – the depths become greater as the addiction becomes more powerful.
I have often heard a CG say that they would not go to GA because they would be recognised, as business people, police officers, soldiers, church-goers etc. GA however is not about the position they hold in life but it is about an addiction that equalises them and has the power to ruin them whoever they are. I am not saying your husband has used this as an excuse but after hearing it so often I do wonder!
This site is anonymous so who he is and what position he holds is immaterial. He can communicate with our Helpline which is one-to-one, he can join our CG only groups where he will be welcome and/or he can write in ‘My Journal’ where he will receive support. Your thread can be made invisible if you fear recognition.
You said that you wished you had it in you to leave your husband – is he aware of the strength of your unhappiness and the possible outcome if he continues to indulge his addiction? Is the friend you were going to text, someone you can talk to – do you have support from family?
Had he taken out the IVA yet?
So many questions because it seems to me that your husband is doing little to actually change – buying things for his family does not mean a change of heart but rather suggests a cover up to buy more time– only positive seeking of help indicates a true change and it gives more satisfaction.
Regardless of all of the above the important thing is ‘you’ on this forum and you are not saying much about yourself. Are you looking after yourself and doing things that you want to do. It is far too easy to be sucked into the addiction cycle and forget yourself. I am certain I remember you and it saddens me to read you are still in this same position. Sometimes it is good to stop and think of where we want to be in 5 years time or even a year – posting on here again would seem a pretty depressing thought.
Speak again soon – I know he can change but he is dragging his feet. Are his friends and colleagues his fellow gamblers? If not maybe they need to be let into the secret so they can support you by not encouraging him to gamble and by encouraging him to seek help.
V