Hi James
Sadly your wife’s behaviour is fairly typical of a CG.
Although I am not a Buddhist I do like many of the teachings but believing that we have to pay debts from a previous life is not one to which I could subscribe. I believe we have enough to deal with in this life and we have the gift of self-will to cope, how we use that self-will is down to every individual. You are trying to cope with a situation that you could not have foreseen and I believe from all you write that you are trying to do the best for all of you.
I admire the way you are putting forward so many options when you must be totally confused by recent events. Does your state offer you the ability to sit round a table with your wife and legal representatives to calmly discuss what is right for your daughter such as the church based pre-school which sounds great and to my mind shows your willingness to accommodate different ways forward for all of you?
I believe that your desire to forgive does you credit but it is early days. The following was written a few years ago by another member and may help.
• Forgiveness isn’t condoning the behaviour.

• Forgiveness isn’t forgetting what happened.

• Forgiveness isn’t restoring trust.

• Forgiveness isn’t synonymous with reconciliation.

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean doing the other person a favour.

• Forgiveness isn’t easy.
Keep going as you are James – I believe the thoughts of many are with you