Hi James
I have read your post and am glad you have had some great replies. I hope this is the start of lots of support for YOU and I hope your wife also finds the will to ‘turn around’ in her life with the appropriate help, too.
I just want to say that when you are not sure what to do, it is often good not to do anything, but take time to think and arm yourself with good information and wisdom from people who have had to go through similar (though never the same) experiences. Your wife’s addiction and your being ‘drawn into its web’ have developed over years, so you both need time for your recoveries. And only your wife can make the decision to change her life.
There are often all sorts of ‘reasons’ for someone to become addicted – lack of confidence, lack of satisfying interests and friendships (I note you think your wife is ‘bothered’ about not having many friends), grief and loss etc.. I think it is often almost impossible, though, to fully address those issues, whilst the addiction is still active. So, although, it can seem unempathic, it is usually important for the addict to determine to turn away from the gambling, recognizing it is NOT a useful way to deal with life’s problems, as a prerequisite; then other issues can be addressed gradually with a clear head.
Mostly I wanted to welcome you and wish you and your wife well.