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Hi Jason
I have just re-read Vera’s terrific post – it is brutally honest and I think gives plenty food for thought. I think it is the beauty of this site that we can see both sides of the coin in a spirit of helpfulness and without rancour.
The only thing I want to clarify is when she says that ‘nothing’ you do will stop your wife gambling. This might sound like picking at words but I hope I make sense. You cannot stop your wife gambling but you can do things to support her so that stopping gambling is a better way forward for her.
If you are dragged down by an addiction then you become impotent – you become a victim just like your loved one. By refusing to be dragged down, by learning about the addiction, by never sinking to manipulation or threats, by continuing to be honest and unafraid you will not become part of the wreckage of her addiction. She doesn’t want to destroy you but her addiction will do so if you ‘allow’ it.
She can change – she possibly doesn’t know how to or where to go for support but you are learning and you can give her direction – once you are strong again. I don’t know what your outcome will be but whatever it is, it is important you survive and survive well and by that I mean a stronger person who can take this miserable experience and turn it into one of the greatest educations.
I was lower than a wimp; I was a blob whose personality had been extracted over years of unwittingly living with the addiction to gamble. Loved or loathed now, I am no longer that blob. You are not unwitting – you cannot save your wife but you can make a difference.