I had a similar issue with finance and I was advised that although the bad debt did not belong to me, if I had ever had a joint loan within the last 6 years – his credit activity could be seen and associated with me thus adversely affecting my own ability to get credit even though it was not my debt, if that makes sense. I was sent a form which I copied and sent back to the major credit reference agencies applying for a disascociation (I can’t spell) and they removed any financial connection by name on my credit files. It was Experian who told me this and sent me the form when I did a months free trial with them. I also checked them all again and low and behold he had been removed !!
I was also advised in the past to regularly get my credit reports in case my ex had taken out anything in my name, so it may be useful to get your credit reports so you know exactly what is on there and how if there is a problem, it is best rectified. Probably better to find out before you apply as if you get turned down or to many credit checks are done then this too affects your ability to get loans etc. It certainly worked for me. Definitely send back all his debt letters – the last thing you need is hassle from other people and I’m sure they’d love to know his address.
There is no quick fix and no point questioning your past decisions, it’s all baby steps and one day you’ll look back and realise how far you’ve come.
The conversation you had with him, seems like it may have confirmed your fears and did seem to sound a lot like blame and manipulation to me. Maybe it’s too soon for you or he’s not far enough into recovery (if at all). If he was in recovery I think he would be taking a little more responsibility for his actions but I am no expert, just heard it all before myself – several times. It is none the less extremely difficult when hearts are still able to rule heads from time to time.
Jenny