We can never really tell why things are said at the time they are, but it is odd that the things you describe seem to coincide with another gamble and another loss and again there is the stench of familiar manipulation tactics in the air.
I found it and would find it even now virtually impossible not to feed someone who was ‘starving’. I think I would consider now whether that was actually true or not or try maybe to put it into some sort of context.
Thinking back to my own experiences my CG was often hungry (apparently) but it was interesting how he did not employ the same enthusiasm into gaining the means to make a sandwich as he did to gain the money to gamble or even to get to the bookies !! Having said that if I hadn’t kept bailing him out – he might of done. Interestingly he never lost any weight either, in fact he put quite a bit on ! Although I obviously don’t know his parents there are not that many cupboards that are completely bare unless he is the son of old mother hubbard, whether they contain what he wants to eat or thinks he should be eating is another matter.
I personally have never heard of a CG who succeeded in starving themselves to death and believe that they are way to selfish for that when of course the addiction is active but it is a ‘line’ which never ceases to tug at the heart string of a caring person such as yourself – if you feed him, try to make sure it is a no frills attached menu, certainly don’t give him the cash and consider ignoring it altogether if you can.
Its very tough, the manipulation is clear but if you care it is not always to apply theories to practice is it ? we all have gone through phases of knowing that we enable and knowing why we shouldn’t, but getting to doing it or not doing it can be a long and difficult road because enablement does take so many forms.
You are not weak and probably your strength hasn’t gone at all it is being sapped by an addiction of another, although I take your point about your job It seems a shame that you are off sick because of an addiction which serves you no purpose or benefit in any way shape or form and one that has drained the living day lights out of you instead of working with people who are clearly far more deserving of your time and care – these are the choices that we make before our own awakenings, they are things that we do when we allow the addiction to control us.
I think as long as there is contact there is always the risk of manipulation and the knock backs at least to begin with, you are vulnerable, but you are learning and exploring ways of coping and that can only be a good thing. I have been separated from my Cg for a couple of years and even now would not underestimate his ability to manipulate me given half the chance. Velvet makes a very good point, which made me laugh but it’s worth answering, would we have even have gone out with our partners in the first place had they have told us what was in store ?
I’d love to be able to say to you let him starve and suffer the consequences of his own actions, but I too know how unrealistic that can be.
I believe your strength is there but it needs to be possibly kept for things that will help you, not further bring you down. if that makes sense
Jenny