h i Jenny. Thank you so much for your wonderful post. This is just a quick note before I run out but wanted to get it in before forgot again. My c_g is back and for Whatever reason I guess I thought that he would be different. He is still the same. But I’ve decided that I am not going to take the” hooks” as you suggest. He still expects me to do all the picking up and care taking that I have always done but I just don’t want to do it anymore. I’m distancing myself a little bit and I am not sure if that’s a good thing but it feels better to me then always being the one doing things and receiving nothing in return….he expects to have some sort of relationship with me while virtually putting nothing into it. We haven’t seen him for over 2 weeks and after he doled out the presents (which was very nice ) he sits down on his computer and just ignores everybody. Does this make any sense to you?
I started to feel angry and frustrated like I always do but decided (and told him) that he has to decide the type of relationships he wants to have with everybody in the family. And then I left. and I have to say it feels really good to not take the hooks as you call them. It feels really good to draw the line and say I need to take care of myself and your mess is your mess. You have helped me see that and I’m grateful for that. For whatever reason you seem to really understand where I’m coming from and I’m so happy and grateful that you are able to show me the light in some way.
As for our daughter, I’m not really sure what to do about her school. She feels ambivalent and so do we. Part of her wants to stay and part of her wants to leave. I don’t want her to feel disrupted in the middle of the year and this is also the only school she’s ever known. It would be a big adjustment also since she’s never been in a public school – we’ve only done Montessori education so it would be a huge change for her. That being said her teacher is horrible and mean was openly hostile to me in our last meeting. My daughter does very well academically but is a little hyper and sometimes talks when she shouldn’t be talking -that’s the worst thing she’s done. Apparently the school thinks this is Code Red and can’t deal with her. They just think she’s a troublemaker. Which she is not. One of the other teachers talked about how much “negative energy” she brings to the social group. I know you don’t know my child but she is the happiest most bubbly person around. She definitely has a lot of hyperactivity energy but definitely not negative energy……unfortunately that’s how they see her. It’s a horrible situation and I know something has to change.
I realize the unknown is difficult and sometimes you just have to make a leap. That seems to be a common theme in my life. I don’t like change.
All for now…