Hi JLK
It looks like I have returned to you thread first so I will try and cover more of your concerns.
I cannot tell you if it is the gambling or his lack of feeling for you that has triggered this latest slip of his addiction but it is almost a certainty that you will have this conflict in your mind until your boyfriend faces his addiction and changes his life. It is impossible to know what is going on in the mind of someone who doesn’t want you to know and whose allies are secrecy and lies. I said ‘latest’ indulgence because it is unlikely that his behaviour is new – many CGs, who do not get support are binge gamblers who fall prey to their addiction after a break from gambling. Between the binges it is likely that he dry gambles – in other words gambles without money but because abstinence is not recovery he will fall again unless he seeks treatment.
I fully appreciate that you care and unfortunately his addiction will welcome that care. However I would not be writing on here if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and your boyfriend could have a wonderful life if he determines to change.
Arguing about your insecurities is his addiction seeking to blame you and give an excuse for his behaviour – never forget that you are not to blame for his gambling.
You ask if he can get better – I am sorry to say that your boyfriend will always be a compulsive gambler but he can learn to control his addiction and not gamble. Sadly ‘you’ cannot save him, only he can do that and he has to want to do it.
The casino is competition for you but worrying and nagging will not change him. If you want to continue with your relationship, you can learn ways to cope on this site. There is no judgement on this forum because everybody makes mistakes but I suggest that you do not accompany him to a casino in future as it could be taken as active encouragement.
Today I have an F&F group between 20.00 -21.00 hours UK time. You will be among those who understand and do not judge and you will be very welcome. Communicating in real time is great and you can rest assured that nothing said in the group appears on the forum.
I have painted a bleak outlook because the addiction to gamble is a terrible one and it seriously impacts on lives and can destroy them, however, many members have passed through this forum and gone on to live good lives with their CG, myself included.
I will wait to hear from you
Velvet
