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Hi Johanna
I wish I could tell you something different but all the signs point to your boyfriend being a CG.
The expression you used that jumped out of your post was that ‘things don’t add up’ – this is often the point when F&F begin to recognise that something is out of control. At this point many F&F decide to stick their heads in the sand and hope the problem will go away so I am really glad that you have recognised that matters are running away with you and you want to know what is going on so you can make the right decision for you.
Sadly ‘your need’ for him to put his life together is probably not ‘his need’ at the moment – he probably feels that ‘his need’ is to gamble and as long as he can pull the wool over your eyes he will be hopeful that he can continue indulging his addiction without consequences.
I have no doubt that your boyfriend can be amazing. CGs can be wonderful but unfortunately mired in addiction they can do horrendous damage. I would be doing you a disservice Johanna if I didn’t tell you that unless he faces his demons and seeks help, his addiction will take you all the way to the bottom with him – if you allow it.
I think it is always safer not to believe an active CG thus avoiding disappointment because the chances will be strong that he will not be telling the truth. His latest ‘problem’ shows him wanting to borrow from you to pay his daughter, lawyer and friend when it is very possible that he told them he has to repay you. I suspect that all the time he is getting others to clear his debts; he is chasing his losses by gambling and thereby increasing his debt.
I am sure he was hurt and sorry when you said you were not going to pay his bills but I think it would be wise to consider why he was hurt and sorry – a CG is full of sorrow and remorse when he cannot get enablement.
I am going to leave this first reply there Johanna as it is late. Unfortunately I am away now for 3 days but I will look out for you on my return. If you decide that you want to support your boyfriend then I will gladly support you – I do know he can control his addiction but I know it takes great courage for him to do so and you will need courage too.
I do understand what it is like to have your heart strings pulled and I also know the heartbreak the addiction to gamble can cause. Please keep posting, there are things you can do to protect yourself and ways that you can support him if you want to go on.
Well done writing this first post, it can’t have been easy