Hi Jordan
You are hanging in and doing well.
Many CGs accept the word ‘problem’ but pull back from ‘addiction’. Here in the F&F forum we use ‘addiction’ more freely because in my opinion, it is better to accept it for what it is. The jump for a CG to admit they have an addiction is often the turning point but if your wife is not at that stage I think it is good, for now, for you to accept that she is agreeing to a problem.
You have stood up to her addiction and told her that you don’t think it is a good idea that she goes to a gambling tournament and true to form her addiction kicked in and fought back. Of course a slot tournament will not help and if it was me I would suggest to her before she goes that it is a really bad idea. However if her addiction is really determined there is little, or nothing, you can say will stop her going. Hopefully she will have heard your warning even though her addiction is telling her you don’t know what you are talking about – her addiction is telling her that this time she will win. It is a tough call Jordan – but in my view you have to allow her to fall.
The difference in your relationship now is that you are aware of her addiction in a way you were not before and her addiction is more wary of you but that is good – she might believe she can fool you some of the time but she will begin to realise she cannot fool you all of the time. To me it says you are standing beside her to help he fight her demons and not against her but she will not and cannot appreciate it yet.
I have re-read you thread and I cannot see the age of your son so I am not able to comment on whether you should talk to him or not. I also think it depends on the maturity and emotional stability of the child – it very important how the subject is dealt with. My firm view is that the only one that matters with this discussion is the child and the CG’s interest is secondary. We have a terrific member who is the child of a CG and I am hoping she will see your thread. As an adult she is able to help us understand how it was to have a CG parent.
I will leave it there for now – you are getting a lot of information thrown at you and I know how hard it is to take it all in – eventually though I believe clarity will come.
Velvet
