Welcome to GT, it has been my saving grace and a place I was able to aquire skills that helped me in my recovery to eventually live a normal, happy life.
Your journey will not come without bumps and hiccups, just stay on the road, doing what you can. Having a parent that has an addiction is heartbreaking, because they are your flesh and blood. However, when the addiction starts calling the shots and the addict lets it, then changes have to be made or the child will fall down with the parent. The child will be left with nothing but more heartache and empty pockets.
The threat of suicide is no joking matter and it makes me sick to think that it is often used by any addict to get what they want. It is a selfish threat, that should never be said to make a loved one give in to their demands. I realize your mom has a history with suicide which I feel a professional would be the best to advise you. But I do know I could not live my life in the shadows of anyone threatening to kill themselves so they can get what they want. That I find too controlling and manipulative, and cruel.
When my father first said it, I was stone cold terrified. I didn’t know what to do, where to run to or how I could help. However, I was too far in my recovery to give in to his demands of money. I knew I wasn’t helping matters if I did.
The last time my father threaten his life, he did so to my neighbor. He said if I didn’t help him he would kill himself, this was said to the neighbor’s high school son. I had him Baker Acted and he is finally living a good life.
I don’t know all the details of your mom, but if she stills has a house she is still in a good spot compared to many other cg’s who are homeless. Is she paying her bills? Does she come for gamblilng money when she runs out of money? How regularly are you giving her gambling money?
If you don’t change your ways, the addiction will get worst, more than you can imagine. I gave money to my dad, someimes it was easier than dealing with his addiction. However, it backfired, because it saw me as its money source. You are in a tight spot, but you can start changing little by little, as you have written your mom gets reactive and lays the guilt on you, but you have to push that aside and not give in.
If possible have a heart to heart with her, let her know your feelings and whatever you tell her, make sure you stick by it. If you don’t, the addiction will laugh and know it has you in the palm of its hand.
Your recovery is what is important, it is the only chance you have to live a good life and in the long run it may help your mom truly see what her gambling addiction is doing to her.