I could listen to veterans from WW2 talk all day, though not often had the opportunity to do so. So much respect for them. So many came back from the war and had to suffer in silence. They had to put on a brave face and had nothing resembling the counselling network that we see available today, yet they got on with everyday life. They don’t make them like that anymore. The Grandfather of a friend of mine fought in WW2 and he would never speak about it. He was obviously harbouring some terrible experiences, so would never speak about his time as a serving soldier, sad really.
Back to gambling. We beat ourselves up so much and I think we all see ourselves as weak. I’ve had so much time to analyse my situation and I think the last thing we are is weak. We as addicts have to endure so much more than a “mere mortal”. The ups and downs of our mood swings, daily despair and everything else destructive that comes with being a compulsive gambler. We have to put on a brave face at work, try to carry on as normal sometimes harbouring desperate situations behind our outward smiling façade. I like to think that we are actually strong people even though we do all have an Achilles heel. The saying “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” is so true and I think it applies to us.
I’ve read many times on here that we will be better people for our past experiences when in recovery. We have to learn to like ourselves again. We’re not bad people and making peace with our inner selves is a vital part of the healing process.
Don’t beat yourself up. I’ve learned over time that beating ourselves up all the time is incredibly counter-productive. We are people that need outside help with our situation and we need to realise that relying on help from time to time makes us human, it doesn’t make us weak.
You’re doing brilliantly, keep it going and make your recovery manageable. Don’t set unachievable goals, keep it simple and you’ll get there. You’re doing exactly the right thing in asking for help and so long as we condition ourselves to share the burden of our addiction by utilising all the help available to us, then we’ll get to our desired destination.