#3625
velvet
Moderator

Hi Laurie
I assume that at the present time your boyfriend is not in debt but is covering his gambling with a well paid job. Unfortunately when that is the case it is hard for the CG (compulsive gambler) to see the damage they are inflicting on themselves and those around them.
The addiction to gamble has nothing to do with money – the gamble is everything and that plays with the mind of the CG. Is your boyfriend moody when he has lost, does he get excited as the time comes for him to play again and does he blame you when things don’t go well?
With his gambling addiction fully active your boyfriend is unable to see that his ‘so-called’ dream is impossible and that he will always lose because he cannot walk away – which is the lot of a CG.
How well do you get on with his mum? She is enabling her son’s addiction by bailing him out and in doing so she is contributing towards his downfall and misery. Many people do not realise that they are enabling – believing that love will conquer all and thinking that bailing out means love. Can you talk to her?
Knowledge of the addiction to gamble will give you power over it, so please stick with the forum (and/or) groups as there is so much to learn that can help. The most important message I can give you in this first reply is to tell you to look after yourself. Those who love CGs put them first and spend 24 hours a day worrying about an addiction that they do not own. The CG spends 24 hours a day thinking about the gamble and does not worry about those around them because the addiction is a selfish one.
You are wearing yourself out with crying and being hysterical and you have been getting nowhere so it is time to try something different and that means looking after you first. This might sound poor support but when those around CGs are exhausted by the addiction, they often lose confidence and self-esteem, which leaves them unable to help anybody and that includes their addicted love one. I suspect you have lost friends and interests during the time you have been with your CG – you are probably giving him your all because you want to save him from himself. It is hard to accept but none of us can save a CG loved one – the only person who can save your boyfriend is himself and at the moment he doesn’t appear to want saving.
I am going to stop now although there is much to say but I want to get this first post to you so that you know you are being heard.
Velvet