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At least you are aware that controlled gambling is not going to work and you seem to have a grasp on it, that once you start you dont stop. Its true this addiction is relentless.. whatever stage our gambling is or was at, will get worse with time. Our recovery over time will only get better.. i dont underestimate this addiction and gambling with your life is not far fetched.. gambling addiciton does kill people. Good you are here, that you are doing something about it.