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I understand you.. i know that feeling, i get depression to the extreme.. but it changes, it will change for you too, chances are you wont feel like this permanently at some point it can change, get help for it, in counselling, or meds, or joining a group or something, write about it, its ok, you will be ok.. just get support. I understand i really do ive had it my entire life but some periods get better than others.. take care of you and do somethng nice for yourself, go the movies, get your hair done.. take time out for you, a library, a park, something.. you do deserve it