#3735
velvet
Moderator

Hi Linda
Please stop feeling horrible because your ex-boyfriend appears to have chosen poker over you. When a gambling addiction is active, CGs feel they do not have choices – they are driven by urges and because of their addiction they make the wrong ones.
It would be wrong to suggest that your bf is trying to save you from his addiction by distancing himself from you – the addiction to gamble is selfish and it seems that your bf wants to indulge his without interruption, implying that he has no desire to control it.
You have done nothing wrong and there is nothing that you should blame yourself for – if a CG is not ready to face his /her addiction then there is little that can be done.
The best thing that you can do for him and for you is to look after yourself, see, friends, enjoy hobbies and interests – live out of the shadow of an addiction that you do not own. This might seem of little value but your bf knows where you are and when he wants to live in control of his addiction, he will find you healthy and happy if you put yourself first now– waiting for him, losing sleep, crying will not change him, only he can do that. It is sadly very easy to become victims of this addiction by association, those who love CGs suffer and can lose their way completely – I do understand how you feel – it is very frustrating.
In my opinion, it is good to send a short text every now and then, saying you are fine and wishing him well – maybe telling him you care about him. It is a waste of time mentioning his addiction as you will never know if you are hearing truth from him or not. If he contacts you it is good to keep communication short and not to make demands or threats, however, if it is evident that he is still allowing his addiction to control his life, in my opinion, it would be unwise to offer him hope of a relationship. It is easy to enable an addiction by being available and he will be hoping that he can have his addiction and you. Stand strong; it is incredibly hard to remove this addiction from your life once you have allowed it control of what you do.
Post again soon
Velvet