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#5304
lily
Participant

Hi Logic,
It took me so long to understand what it really meant to care for me and put myself first, the last 8 years to be exact! I started in my time here but it took the other 7 for it all to sink in and for me to really care for myself enough to really know what that meant and tbh I am still working on fully being able to let go of taking responsibility for others behaviors and emotions.

At the end of your post you say;

‘stresses of my holiday and 2 weeks away are keeping in *(did you mean kicking in?), especially as it overlaps with CGs next focus…Aintree.’

Can I ask you if reading that back sounds like you are caring for yourself? How about ‘I am really looking to my holiday and having a break with my friends, time to relax and think about the best way to move forward with my life, thing have been so hard lately and I need/deserve a break.’ Do you see what I mean. Your focus is not on the best move for you, what you want or need from a relationship, your work or enjoying the holiday you have worked for, they are on the next racing fixture and how that will affect your CG.

Do you think you worrying about the next big fixture will change whether your partner gambles or not? Do you think it will make any difference whether you are there watching it and his gambling unfold as you did for Cheltenham make any difference to the outcome?

I can tell you with almost 100% certainty it will not, the only thing that will change any of that is him and why would he? He lives in a house of gamblers, he has money available to gamble, he has a consoling arm around him and a supportive relationship to return to when he is burnt out and even someone to buy him a drink and care about his child.

It takes two to be codependent so it is not your codependency it is a codependent relationship, but it only takes one person to change the script.

I hope you understand what I am trying to say and that it doesn’t sound to harsh, it isn’t meant to be, it comes from a place of genuine care and concern for someone I see a lot of younger myself in. Lily x