I hope you get to read this before you go into complete hibernation.
Read up, look at how you felt when you came back to post this time. Unfortunately it would likely happen again, it’s a busty forum and threads slip down and people respond to people who are posting.
Look around the forum as well, how many of us are there? Not a single one of us could do this on our own. I hope you speak to your doctor about your depression and get back soon to using the support you and the rest of us need to help with our addiction.