Of course, people here are wondering how it’s going for you and everyone else on this site. I believe, YOU, think you are being self- centred in asking if anyone is wondering what’s happening with you. For me, this is how I too was thinking when I was in ‘victim-mode’ in my life. It’s a horrible, horrible place to be and my heart goes out to you. Sending you a massive cyber hug.
It took much work on my self to move my thinking from victim to survivor to thriver. The life you describe could have been mine 5 – 10 years ago. Life kept delivering more and more ‘disasters/problems’, one after the other and bigger and deeper until it literally blew up in my face. I knew deep down this wasn’t how I wanted to live my life, I knew deep down my love for my husband had been eroded and I knew deep down my children were suffering and their behaviour was their way of trying to cope with it all. I ignored all the signs and continued to try and make it all work. My ex husband removed himself from family life and I was left to deal on my own with their behaviour, the police, the schools, the authorities, the health worries that when with it. Oh yes, what you have written could indeed have been me. At the time I did not know about my cg and his gambling problems, looking back I can see why he started and the impact it had on all of us.
All I wanted was a good family life, being supported and loved. What I didn’t realise at the time was I was supporting and loving everyone else BUT myself. I gave myself such a hard time. I didn’t listen to my body crying out for some self love and only stopped when the pains in my head became unbearable, I was forced to stop and take notice. I craved someone to support me, anyone in the end. I had always done everything in my life, never asked for help. Well, there is help out there, for everything. I learnt to delegate, I learnt to ask for help, I learnt to be kind to myself, to take one day at a time, not to worry about things that could happen. I learnt how to crawl out of victimhood, to smile again, to live again. When I did that, life became much easier. I started to attract new people into my life, that showed me a different way to be. I learnt to support myself, to be on my own, to enjoy my own company.
I had wonderful material things, big house, foreign holidays, successful husband, children wanted for nothing what I didn’t have was unconditional love, support or respect. I’ve swapped all the material things now for love, support and respect but most of all how to love, support and respect myself. You too can get off the rollercoaster life, if you really want to. Don’t leave it too long to listen to yourself, Madge. Your body already knows the answers. One day at a time. Wishing you some relief soon. Take care of you. San xx