One meal at the table is a very good start, I always feel that making that one stand and sticking to it, although an effort is the start of replacing old habits with new ones and you show to yourself and others that you are important, life then, if you build more of these small changes in day by day suddenly becomes more ordered as you take back control of you.

Like you I struggled with whether it was a good idea to move my son and the outcome was unknown. But to me school is different from education in life. I thought one day, do I really want these idiots to teach my son ? apart from the fact that he wasn’t actually learning anything in his lessons, I felt he was being given a wrong lesson in the education of life. My conclusion was that they were not good enough to ‘teach’ my son anything that would benefit him in later life – although for some a bad experience can turn in to a positive one. Within a fortnight of him moving he was a changed person in many ways, new friends, no more outbursts, improving on his grades etc etc. He had nothing to lose and neither did I, the stress was awful and now as its falling away life is happier. I think the deciding factor was that he wanted to leave. How does your daughter feel about where she’s at?

You have not screwed up Madge from where i’m sitting – if anyone has the school has by employing incompetent staff who are not ‘fit for purpose’ if they think its ok to bully their pupils – don’t shoulder the blame for everyone else’s mistakes.

You are one woman!! with enough on your plate without carrying around the issues of others. What’s there stuff is their stuff, and theirs to carry around, some people will let you carry it around for them – certainly doesn’t mean you have to.

In my last lot of counselling I learned about the hooks, the way I got sucked in to situations that were bad for me ie. doing too much for other people and not enough for me, if you can spot the hooks dangling in front of you with a large lump of bait on them then you have a chance to consider what your action will be. An example of that could be someone else huffing and puffing over the fact that you have not done the dishes or the house is not immaculate all of the time – if you see the hook you maybe won’t feel the need to jump up and do them to suit others. My kids have finally realised that if they do not put their washing out it doesn’t get done and if they have a problem with that then they know were the washing machine is and now they have even learned that it doesn’t switch its self on either !! amazing really just what teenagers can do when they have to !!

Your CG may or may not come back with a new mess but if he does, will he be expecting you to sort out his mess? and it is his mess. Sad if he does but the consequences of what ever his actions may have been are his responsibility, yet I feel for some reason that he will try and hook you in to doing his worrying for him along with a lot of sorting. These are the things that weigh us down and make the lives of others a little lighter.

You have your head above water and that is where it is staying other people will do what they do regardless, if that is their mind set but if you begin to change a few of your reactions then you will get a different response I feel.

Show the olympic judges the door, who are they to score you but based on your last post I think they would have to agree you’ve made a cracking start just by changing one thing in your day for you. I really hope you can keep it moving Madge you deserve to be as happy as the next person and I for one look forward to reading about many more little changes that you are about to make.

Jenny x