I’ve thought long and hard before replying to your thread. My heart goes out to you. Been there, got the T-shirt as they say. Everyone is right in saying it will only change when YOU change, however, at the point in the journey you are, that maybe hard to hear and deal with. Everyone has to go at their own pace and it’s scary, terrifying in places, soul searching and full of fear of the unknown for the future and on the other side very rewarding, safe, easy and full of love. I talk of it as sides because when you work on yourself that’s what it feels like crossing to another world.
Everyone has there ‘enough is enough’ point when your are forced to make some changes. We hear about our CG’s reaching this point, I believe Family and Friends reach that point too. Life will continue to send events etc your way (and each time it will get worse) until you reach that point. When you do reach that point Madge I want you to know there is so much help out there for you. You don’t have to do it alone. I craved help and support for the troubles I went through with my children (ex-hubby backed right off when he could no longer ‘control’ them). I was way out of my depth and he was there but not there when it came to helping me deal with schools, self harming, gambling, drugs, drink etc etc. When I started to do the work on myself, I learnt how to support myself, how to ask for specific help and life showered me with the support I needed. I am now teaching my children how to get that help and support for themselves. I don’t want them to wait until they are in their 40’s to start to live their lives.
It was hard to admit defeat in that my marriage was not working. I worked sooo hard at trying to make it work and I believe we went round and round the block so many times reaching a point of do we keep working at this or separate.
We agreed to separate in the end and see how our lives would go (divorce was not an option then). After just 3 months of living apart we agreed to divorce. Three years later we divorced and now the 30 years I spent with that man I can’t even remember!! I blocked it out lovely and enjoy my life to the full now living one day at a time.
It will be interesting to see how your CG get’s on in the UK. My CG has now left the UK because the temptation in the UK was too much and he wasn’t ready to ask for the help yet. I would say use the time he is away to really think about what you want from your life. Your children will grow up and leave before you know it! Keeping a journal I always found very helpful just to vent and sometimes out of my scribblings came some answers too. Let the pen flow, don’t think too much about what you are writing just let it all out.
Everyone deserves a good, safe, easy life. It’s waiting for you Madge :).