Sending you a huge cyber (((hug))). Take a huge breath in and out again. Breathe deep and slowly :). To me you sound like you need some time out. Is there anywhere you can go? Family, friends, a hotel, for a couple of days just to recharge, have some space? I’ve mentioned about my ex husband before and although he wasn’t a gambler, what you are describing is exactly where I was. The ‘problem’ was so immense it had to be broken down in stages. While he was going through ‘his’ therapy, I stood by him and made myself ill. I took myself off for a week, just me, to an old friend in a different country and I was able to get some breathing space. I won’t ***, its not easy. But once I had accepted it was not going to change without something drastic happening (he moved out) then things started to change. I went through 18 months of therapy, his, ours and mine, sleeping in different rooms, leading separate lives, trying to make it work. I strongly urge you to get some support for yourself, a close friend, a family doctor perhaps. We are all here for you. Take care. San x