Like San, I get the feeling, as I read your post, that you really need support for YOURSELF. I cannot ‘diagnose’ and am not trying to, but I get a real feeling of depression and effects of stress from what your write. I hope you are feeling helped by off-loading a bit here and knowing that others are concerned for you. It would be great if you can have some local help too, of some depth and understanding.
Can you find small ways to ‘reclaim’ your own identity in all this and affirmation of your own worth and of the importance of your own requirements in life? Your husband sounds very controlling and you have given so much of yourself to the family – I fear you getting ‘lost’ in it all.
But you have experiences to build on and an inner strength yet to tap to the full. You say you are ‘waiting for something to happen’ – is it possible for you to MAKE something happen? – no matter how small at first?
I don’t want this to sound like another ‘demand’ for you to cope with but an encouragement to find one thing you want and make it happen soon to encourage you forward and hopefully lift your spirits a little.
Holding you in mind.