Hi Madge
I have read your post to Shelly and I am glad you are getting support from reading other threads; the similarities are always surprising because we all thought we were the only person to have experienced such tragedy in our lives. I remember sitting in wonderment for weeks in Gamanon, unable to take in what I was hearing – they knew without me telling them and what a difference it made that I was not the only one.

It is hard to stand your ground, so many times it seems impossible but you have made a brave stand against your husband’s addiction. Whatever happens there will be no judgement here. The expression I like and one I know I can live with is ‘I will not live with the addiction to gamble in and controlling ‘my’ life’.

All our stories are complicated but it becomes possible to read between the lines of others after a while. You have read in Shelly’s thread things that have struck a chord but there will be many things that neither she, nor you, commits to writing because it becomes unnecessary due to an unwritten understanding that builds in time.

What is your husband doing now that leads you to believe he is trying to change and gain your trust? I appreciate he has been through a lot of therapists and different psychiatrists but has he been to one that deals with just one of his specific addictions, such as a dedicated gambling therapist. I am not able to comment on your husband’s other addictions other than his gambling because it falls out of my area of expertise but I do believe that the addiction to gamble is often at the root of many other problems and maybe it would be better if he dealt with just that one addiction to the point of saturation.

You raise an interesting hypothetical question at the end of your recent post and I am interested that the reason you give to stay is that nothing is guaranteed if you left. I fully understand what you mean and it does make sense but it is an answer that a CG depends on because a CG gambles on the fears of the loved one even if it is not deliberate. In making your stand you must really know what you want because you are not a gambler but in this forum, whatever happens Madge, you will be understood.

Nobody can ever say when a true recover begins, neither CG nor loved one but it is a fact that true recoveries do happen. Keep your strength up, you are doing well – your posts to others are positive and supportive and worth re-reading at times of doubt.