Hi Magclin and welcome to the forum.
I hope you are now reading and your head isn’t quite so mushy. I’ve had heads like that myself!
Read the other stories here. You will see a lot you of things you can relate to I am sure. You will also see the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?
Where do you normally gamble? Get yourself excluded. If you gamble online then you can slso get a blocker for your PC.
It sounds like your family are aware of your gambling/problem? Who can help you be accountable for your money? What barriers can you put in place that wil make it harder for you to gamble?
“….remorse, regret, loathe, ashamed, despair…”
I had all those feelings. Thye have long since been replaced by the joy of recovery and pride in tackiling a tough addiction.
Keep posting, maybe tell us a little more about your situation and of course tell us about the positive steps you can now start to apply.