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Hi Mal
As your CG has made the decision to call time on your relationship whilst blaming you it is difficult to know what to suggest apart from allowing her the space to go and do what she has threatened to do when hopefully she will come to realise that her addiction is the problem and not her family.
Your scenario mirrors my own experience – my CG walked away, blaming me and saying he was going to go and prove himself and prove to me that he wasn’t a CG and could make it without me.
Your CG’s mother’s terminal condition will almost certainly be having a reaction in her gambling distorted mind and is possibly the reason that she is being so extreme in her behaviour. She probably/possibly feels she has disappointed her mother, CGs have very low self-esteem because of the constant feelings of failure that comes with constantly losing. It is not uncommon that gambling increases at times of stress such as this.
You sound a great dad and I am sure you are helping your daughter understand that her mother is not deliberately hurting her or you however much it seems that she must be aware.
The verbal attacks telling you that money is all you care about is her way of deflecting her problem. If you are to blame then she doesn’t need to accept responsibility – I would imagine that in the not too distant future she will come to rue walking away but sadly her reaction will probably be to blame you further and possibly gamble in a more extreme way – either way I suspect she will be heading for a fall.
Does she have an occupation that pays well or is she expecting you to fund her ‘setting herself up’?
I think the same applies to CGs as it does to non-CGs when it comes to threats. It is important that non-CGs do not make threats they do not intend to carry through or cannot carry through. I would imagine your CG is having a knee- jerk reaction possibly to her mother illness or hearing you will no longer enable – either way it does not seem to be a well-thought out plan on her part. I cannot tell you what to do but if she walks away, I hope you won’t feel you have to agree to things you do not agree with to get her to change her mine.
I hope all this makes sense and I hope you will keep posting.
I wish you and your daughter well. If she wants to join the F&F group on Thursday or start her own thread on the forum she will be more than welcome although I suspect you are doing an excellent job of keeping her in the picture.