Sending a hug back to you. It’s good to see your update and I hope your daughter is okay too. I think it’s a shock when the rose tinted glasses come off and you can see your relationship with the cg for what it is. When the reality hits, I believe, we go through a grief process that needs to be given time, a lot of tender self love too. I’ve learnt so much over the last few years and one of the biggest lessons has been that people don’t think or treat people like I do! This is especially true when the addiction takes hold of my cg. I am still learning how to deal with this. I no longer take it personally and have very low expectations from him now. If something ‘nice’ happens with him its a bonus!
Velvet talks about ‘the void’ when you switch from thinking about your cg and the addiction to thinking about other things and yourself. With your rose tinted glasses off, I am sure you can see how much time and energy has been spent on your cg in the past. When I realised this time and energy was not reciprocated I felt very hurt and rejected. I now realise his thinking was not the same as mine and this information helped to heal the wounds.
When I read your thread the hurt you feel floods through. I found this today … ‘At the end of the day, tell yourself gently: I love you, you did the best you could today, and even if you didn’t accomplish all you had planned, I love you anyway.’
I’m going to be very honest with you now, I am jealous (if that’s the right word) that your cg is in a place he can get help. I’ve realised that my cg is no where near ready for that type of help YET. I can ‘hear’ it’s very hard for you at the moment, however, your cg is getting help and has the ‘chance’ to change. Hold onto that Neecy and use this time to recover and be gentle with yourself. As for his sister … don’t give her words any of your time or energy, we all know that he is in the best place to get help, she probably doesn’t understand the addiction very well. One day at a time … and it will get easier as you arm yourself with a better understanding of the addiction and how to deal with it yourself. Hoping you have a better day and can find something to smile and laugh about today. Take Care san x