I know it is easier for me to say that you will find the strength than it is for you to do it.
You don’t mention the posts that are on your thread so I don’t know what your thoughts are on what people say. It does help if we get a feed back.
Christmas bring out so many emotions – memories stream back, some good, some bad.
I understand what you mean when you say you are a bit humbled by the experience of finding yourself in the middle of a world with a gambling addiction. You probably feel you are living in a parallel universe at the moment. The addiction feels all powerful but it isn’t as can be testified by so many.
I hope Neecy that you will come out of this experience stronger. You have had more than your fair share of tragedy over the past few years and maybe you have not had the chance to build your strength up. I firmly believe you can come out of this stronger because I have had the pleasure of seeing so many do so. Spending time in this forum I hope will allow you to realise how important you are.
Your partner has a terrible addiction and maybe you were drawn to him in the belief you could save him and I hope it does not distress you that it was not meant to be. There are far too many who have passed through this forum, intelligent, lively, bright, happy people who have been brought low by this addiction but who because of their own self-belief had felt they could save their CG and found they could not. There is no shame I promise you.
I would be doing you a disservice if I said that your outcome with your partner will definitely be the one that you want but what I can say is that ‘you’ have in you the power and ability to control your life and to more on from this experience a stronger person.
You are not weak. You are a mother and a teacher and those who love you need you to be in control. The addiction makes you feel weak but it is not ‘your’ addiction, you can refuse it, – it is your CG who has the battle so let him get on with his fight and you look after you.
What is said in the group stays in the group so I hope to see you again soon with that safe-guard but I do ask if you have had bereavement counselling or any one-to-one counselling for yourself? It seems to me you have a real need to talk, preferably face-to-face about things that this site does not cover. I think, in life, there are times when we need someone just to listen to us and hopefully push a few positive thoughts our way but other times we need a little more practical help. Your world has been wobbly for a time, even before the addiction entered it.
From all you have said I think you should use this time to look after yourself, to talk to your daughters and your friends about anything other than gambling. The world is a wonderful place but it can look very scary when we are not in control.
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You are doing well Neecy – you are talking and you are listening. Healing from ‘all’ that you have been through takes time – it is gradual and exhausting but ultimately it is a walk back to life.