#3010
velvet
Moderator

Hi Neecy
How your words resonate – ‘he didn’t do it gently’, ‘it didn’t happen immediately’ and you feel like the bad partner, upset and alone. Your partner is now in a place of safety and support with a chance to turn his life around but you are bewildered by events and need support. That support is here for as long as you need it.

Nobody knows when a CG (compulsive gambler) enters a true recovery and that includes the CG so it is common for those entering rehab that they do not do it quietly. It is the scariest thing your partner will ever do and his addiction would have been screaming in his head that ‘it’ could save him and he didn’t need to do anything so drastic.

Compulsive gambling is totally selfish and selfishness is necessary for the CG to control their addiction. The battle your partner will fight in rehab is for ‘his’ life and the time he is away is a drop in the ocean compared to the rest of his life so he needs to take every precious moment and use it for himself. Gordon House will give him the tools to control his addiction for life if he chooses to take them and you looking after you is the most important thing you can do for him.

There is no judgement on this site. I understand why you jumped on the train believing you were supporting your partner when he was in a state but in rehab he will be learning that he has to take responsibility for his own life and not expect you to ‘sort him out. It is important that you are the rock and not the putty. Putty is malleable and the addiction to gamble is the master of manipulation.

If you give all your time to thinking about your partner and his problems then you are not looking after the most important person and that is you.

Don’t turn anywhere else, you are doing fine. Fill your time with things that feel good for you, let your children see that you are strong and coping or they will blame your partner.

My CG went through the Gordon House programme and is living happily in control of his addiction. It isn’t easy learning how to support a CG but I believe it is nothing compared to the battle that a CG has to fight.

You have done well starting your thread. Your partner has done well to go into Gordon House. Keep posting. Knowledge of this addiction will give you power over it.

I hope we get to speak in real time soon.

Velvet