Hi O
I meant for you to do things that interest you and take you out of the house, giving you different things to talk about with your SO, thus raising an interest in her to join you or do something herself other than gambling – but primarily to improve your life which will get held back by her addiction.
If one is exhausted by other people’s problems it is good to maybe listen to music, go the theatre, anything but the subject that caused the exhaustion. Likewise, the addiction to gamble is exhausting for those who live with it and it is important that F&F fill their lives with different, happier, more positive endeavours. Relationships spark off each other and my favourite quote is ‘you may never know what results come from your actions but if you do nothing there will be no results’ – Mahatma Gandi. It is easy to get stuck in a rut when addiction is in your home, it is sadly true that many F&F give 24 hour anxiety over to an addiction that they neither wanted nor asked for.
Your SO knows the time when she is most likely to indulge her addiction but that in itself will not deter her if she is triggered. She has asked you for physical support and you are willing to give it which is great but abstinence is not recovery and in my view she requires treatment from those who understand her gambling addiction. She is an addiction therapist which gives her an insight into addictions but not necessarily her own, she thinks she knows all the answers but it seems to me she doesn’t know how to put them into practice.
If you show her this site, I suggest you don’t encourage her to read your thread. F&F threads are for F&F to gain their own recovery. F&F should be able to talk here openly without fear of judgement. Equally, in my opinion, as your partner is a CG and wants to write in the CG forum it is best that she gets the support from other CGs who are trying to control their addiction and CGs who have controlled their addiction without fear of correction from someone who loves her. It doesn’t work when a couple use the site as a way of communicating with each other. When my CG was fighting for his recovery I came in for a lot of flack and blame (I know because he told me later) but because I was unaware I didn’t jump in and defend myself or call his honesty into question. He was talking to those who understood him as I could not, and therefore they were able to give him the insight that I could not. We can be too close O and we can be too determined that we are the ones who can save those we love, we can be greedy to be let in and anxious of what might be lost if we stand back.
It’s a tough battle O but I know it can be won, I know the addiction to gamble can be controlled. It takes massive courage and determination to face it and F&F give their best support when they look after themselves and stand against the addiction by allowing the CG freedom to fight. Your SO is lucky to have you on her side.
Speak soon
V
