Hi OAJ
It seems to me you have experienced exactly what I was trying to explain and yes that is what I would call a true recovery. I believe that surrender has to be complete.
The place of surrender and acceptance is often a very dark place – rock bottom is the term used which is a mental state when the addiction has become utterly intolerable. I don’t think a CG has to reach such an abyss but many, many do.
In my opinion your SO knows all this but possibly hasn’t been completely willing to surrender her faith in her addiction. When triggered she is blind and deaf to all she knows, believing that only indulging her addiction will give her the ‘relief’ she seeks. When she is finished she feels worse because more guilt, feelings of failure and remorse set in. In my opinion she will have to put her ghosts to bed to give her the peace of mind she needs enabling her to gain the strength to change her life and be the person she wants to be and I think, to do this she needs the support of a dedicated gambling counsellor and/or CGs who understand her and who have either controlled their addiction or are determined to do so and therefore are walking the same road as her.
Our helpline may be able to give you the right support group or dedicated counsellors where you are. It is usually manned by either CGs in control of their addiction or a dedicated gambling counsellor. It is anonymous and one-to one – your SO would be welcome and safe.
In the meantime please look after yourself because even if you cannot save your loved one you can be an enormous support just by being in control of your own life.
You are doing great
V
