Hi OnaJ
I don’t think that anybody who loves a person with an addiction to gamble can ever be entirely detached from it – it is an addiction that seeks enablement and who better to give it than the person closest – however must knowledge you have gathered your closeness will always render you the most vulnerable.
Your SO/addition therapist is twisting the words that you would probably want to use to support him/her and he/she is using the words as weapons, which to my mind says he/she might know the answers but doesn’t fully understand or accept them. Finding the words or actions they don’t recognise, in your case, ‘might’ be the different approach required.
I am going to put my thinking cap on because I am aware that CGs who have tried recovery but not fully accepted it are more than capable of doing the greatest damage – they can talk the talk like professionals but they are nowhere near ready to walk the walk. I am not sure that trying to deal with your SO’s emotional baggage will help because the CG is often not aware of what triggered the addiction apart from placing a bet and feeling an overwhelming excitement that bi-passes most of us. I don’t think that bargaining or contracts make a scrap of difference. My main question to you is ‘does he/she ever express a desire to want to stop gambling and has he/she ever actually gone in to a GA meeting?’ The reason I ask is that I was told by a CG early on in my quest for survival that CGs could fool others but they couldn’t kid a kidder – GA is full of those who are not fooled.
I am hoping that you will now know that you are not facing this alone although I fully appreciate that it is you that is in the direct line of fire. I believe it is really therapeutic just to write ones thoughts down, to get your feeling out of your head and put them in a place of safety where you will not be judged.
There is an F&F group tonight 20.00-21.00 hours UK time – it would be great to ‘meet’ you there, you will be very welcome.
Velvet
