Hi Parents
Your son is young and probably believes you don’t know what you are talking about; he probably thinks he will show you that he does know what he is doing. Sadly he will not be aware of the danger of his addiction.
I can’t sugar-coat my answer to you; your son has an addiction that cannot be made better with a pill or a chat; you can’t talk him into being what you want because he believes he know what he wants and he will believe that you cannot understand him.
I told my CG much the same things that you are saying to your son – I wanted him to have a better future, I wanted him to know how much I loved him and that love would conquer all if he would only listen to me. When he had taken control of his addiction he told me that when I had said I need you to listen it was ‘my need’ talking because his ‘need’ was to gamble.
I think you are doing the right thing posting here, you will build up information and knowledge of your son’s addiction and that knowledge will give you power over it and help you cope.
In my opinion, it would be good for your son to hear for himself what his future will be like if he continues the way he is going. On this site we have ‘CG only’ groups, often run by CGs who are in control of their addiction and we have a terrific Helpline which is often manned by a CG who controls his addiction. They are ready and willing to support your son in a way that you and I cannot. If you go on the helpline you can ask for the right times for your son to communicate with those who have stood in his shoes. They are older than your son but remember believing themselves invincible when they were 22. It is also completely anonymous so your son can talk openly, as will they, unlike active CGs who often have trouble being open about their concerns.
I see that Worriedmama has mentioned Gamanon – these are marvellous groups of people, just like you, who can give you on the ground support – they are the sister group to GA (Gamblers Anonymous), which is fantastic and many active CGs have found their way using them. Perhaps you could download the Gamblers Anonymous 20 questions off their web site – your son might be surprised to see that he has a recognised addiction for which there is loads of support – when he is ready.
I certainly cannot promise you that you will have the ideal son of which you speak but I do know his addiction can be controlled and he can live a fantastic life and sometimes an even more special life for having faced this addiction. You can only live for today Parents, worrying about his future will not help him, or you.
There is so much to tell you but I am going to leave it there for now and wait to hear from you again. Maybe you will be in the F&F group in an hour and we can communicate in real time – you can ask the questions and I promise I will do my best to answer you.
Regardless of whether you make the group or not, I hope you will keep posting. Sharing does help.
Velvet
