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#52816
Monica1
Participant

You describe the classic symptoms of the addiction being in control. I too used to wait for my monthly salary to go in and as soon as it did, the whole lot would be gone in one night of compulsive gambling. Then it was dodgy payday loans. We do it until we are absolutely sick of it, until we hit our own personal rock bottom of what is in fact a bottomless pit. I agree with steev, I gambled five and a half years of complete obsession with it, I stopped many times, went into recovery programmes a few times, and still didn’t stop. Then one day I was sick and tired and ill, and in humongous debt. About to lose my home. That was it. No more. I really hope you don’t have to get to that point. When the addiction really has a deep grip,on us, things happen. From being highly employable I could not get a job and became destitute. That was necessary for me to learn something and go through the recovery process.
Not every counsellor I have seen,and there have been three or four over time, was I able to gel with. When you find a programme and counsellor where it works it can really help. Because there are always underlying reasons why we gamble compulsively the way we do. And there are often more than one reason, for me it was a few affecting me spiritually, emotionally, mentally and eventually physically.
The steps we take are that we need to accept we are powerless over gambling, because when we get to the point that we immediately start as soon as the salary hits the bank, we are genuinely powerless at that point and we are in the grip of the most insidious and ugly addiction. Then we need to be,i eve that a power greater than ourselves can bring us back to sanity. And it can. But we have to go through the recovery process. Abstinence does not work, we have to move through the issues as to why we do it. Are you not sick of a repetitive cycle Playing out relentlessly over and over again until we get the message?
Oh, and change your name, relapsenomore might be more suitable than the relapse king. It just perpetuates the whole miserable cycle.