Hi Rose
I hope that you will be able to forgive your husband, in time, when you gain the knowledge of the addiction that he owns which has hurt you both so badly.
A compulsive gambler often has all the appearance of a good actor but is in fact a lost soul struggling to control a life of confusion, failure and misery. He may well have lied and sought to blame you, to cover up his poor behaviour because he has no other coping mechanism. However, I would not be writing to you now if I didn’t know that your husband can change his life and be the man you want him to be and perhaps even more importantly, to be the man he would like to be.
At some point, your husband gambled, for fun, as so many of us do; the greatest majority of people can enjoy a gamble but someone with the propensity to own the addiction to gamble will not be aware until it is, probably, too late. If your husband could have known what was awaiting him, when he started laying bets, I suggest, he would never have started.
You have done what you felt you had to do and nobody should ever tell you that what you did was wrong. You have asked for space, a time to breath, a time to retake control of your life. You did not tell him to go for ever.
You will not have pushed him to the brink, a gambler is ultimately responsible for his behaviour. What your husband does now is up to him. You say that you love him and this implies you would like to support him but at the moment you need a break which is understandable. Do you know where he has gone and who he is with?
To support him, I suggest that you keep communication open, allow him to talk even if you have a problem believing his words. In my opinion the most important thing you can do is tell him where support can be found. This site offers terrific support for gamblers, as does GA. We have an excellent Helpline and facilitated gambler groups where he would be welcome and understood, There is nothing he could say that has not been heard before.
I will leave this first reply their Rose and wait to hear from you again
I hope that some of what I have said helps, I know how hard it is at the beginning.
Velvet
