Hi Sheena
I’m sorry you didn’t make the group – hopefully next Tuesday.
To support you better Sheena, it would help if you could give me a little bit more of your story. For instance – how long has your son been out of rehab, did he tell you that he was gambling again or did you notice the same old behaviour reappearing?
I don’t know how much you know about the addiction to gamble but knowledge will give you power over it and with that in mind I have brought up my thread ‘The F&F Cycle’ which I think will reflect your son’s behaviour, certainly pre-rehab.
Your son will have learned in rehab that he needs to take responsibility for his actions if he is to control his addiction. He will know that his gambling debts are his responsibility but this will probably not stop him trying to get you to clear them. It is tough but clearing the debts of a CG (compulsive gambler) is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic – it feeds the addiction and allows it to grow.
Does your son live with you? When he first left rehab did he seem different? CGs who have begun a true recovery are often lighter in mind having put a great burden down – but early recovery isn’t easy and there is often a void in their lives. In my opinion early recovery is the toughest time for both the CG and those around them. Families don’t usually get the tools to cope that a CG gets in rehab. Indeed when I first came on this site years ago I was told that because my CG was in recovery, I didn’t need support – I felt I needed it more than ever. When my CG left rehab I had no idea how to behave or speak to him. Through luck and not judgement I asked him to help him. It took time and the strangest thing for me was realising that he had to learn to trust me – he need to know that I had changed too, that I was willing to go the extra mile in spite of all the years of mental devastation.
I’m sorry there are so many questions. There is a lot of support and experience on this site and I want to try and give you the support that is right for you.
I will leave it there for now and await your response.
Velvet
