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Hi Shelly
Probably most CGs would say that they don’t want to stop gambling but I think they would all agree they don’t like being addicted to it which makes them unable to walk away until they have lost everything which often includes their homes, marriages, families and self-esteem. They would like (and most would believe) that they can gamble responsibly. It is only when reality truly hits them that they are not free and that they are being controlled by an addiction that many realise they need to change if they want to live a decent life. CGs have little incentive to face their addiction as long as they have enablement and they are the masters of manipulation when it comes to getting that enablement

The addiction to gamble divides families as it feeds on lies and secrecy. Unfortunately unless people have lived with the addiction to gamble, their opinions can be very narrow and not supportive so personally I think it is best to tell others as a statement rather than asking for opinions. You can gather information here so that you can make your own informed decisions with that knowledge especially as your husband is endangering ‘your’ future and other who love you will probably only be able to see that far. Do you have family and/or friends to support you? It is better to share if you can,

I really, really understand that advising you to look after yourself first seems so lacking in positive help but I have read countless posts from people who had found this message less than they had hoped at the beginning but who grabbed it and applied it to their lives. In changing themselves and refusing the addiction control of their lives they went on to a freedom and happiness that they had given up on. I would never suggest that any member leaves, or stays with their CG loved one – all decisions are yours and all decision are understood and never judged.

I can hear you love your husband but I want you to learn to love you as least as much because you do matter, you are special and you don’t deserve to be controlled by the addiction of another.

You said ‘it doesn’t matter that you don’t want him to go’ – dear Shelly it does matter. Do something for yourself today, refuse your husband’s addiction to spoil your thinking and happiness for an hour or two. Each and every day give ‘you’ more time and allow yourself to regain the confidence and self-esteem that your husband’s addiction will have damaged.

I do know the addiction to gamble can be controlled and I am aware how difficult it is. You do not have that addiction – you can change.

In the final 5 minutes of a Tuesday group I say the Serenity Prayer for all members – there is a version that I particularly like and it is this.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the thing that I can
And Wisdom to know it is me.

Keep posting and when your husband goes away on his trip make sure you have plans for you to enjoy ‘your’ life – I would love to hear them.