Hi Shelly
I imagine you feel as though you are on a piece of piece of elastic bouncing up and down, day in day out, year in year out – every time you feel better you bounce right back into the mire of addiction again – it’s enough to make anyone angry and mad.
I fully appreciate that being told that looking after yourself doesn’t seem a fantastic answer to your problems – but it is.
I remember one member who came back and told me that she had never believed that looking after herself would make an iota of difference. When she last posted she was a changed person, she was feisty and strong and living ‘her’ life as she wanted it to be, doing the most amazing things. She is far from alone in the success stories on this forum but I remember using the elastic analogy with her and she recognised that, that was how she felt and she resented her husband’s addiction having that pull over her. I remember her particularly because she said that she had really believed I was wrong and I thought it was great that she came back to tell me.
Being bounced up and down by an addiction you do not own will make you feel helpless but cutting that elastic and freeing yourself will give you control of ‘you’ and take away the feeling of helplessness.
I wish I could say that ‘just’ sitting down and talking to your husband would make his addiction listen but if he doesn’t want to give up his gambling then all the tears, pleading, rational discussion, love in the world will do nothing. You want him to know that you are depressed and acknowledge that he has hurt you but he will only be able to do that when he changes his life and he won’t change his life if he doesn’t want to stop gambling.
Keep posting Shelly – I know it seems you are hitting your head against a brick wall but chinks of light will appear.