#3404
velvet
Moderator

Hi Sheryl
I cannot tell you what to do – whether you write to your ex husband or not is up to you.
My CG told me, once he had turned his life around and controlled his addiction, that he had seen rejection in every word of the letter I had sent him telling him my feelings. In spite of that I don’t regret sending it.
What I don’t think would be right is to enter a series of texts or emails which can lead to misery on behalf of the sender and hope of enablement for the CG.
This is a really dreadful time for you at the moment but it will pass – you are doing everything that is right for you and your son so don’t feel guilty; you have nothing to feel guilt about. It is sad that sometimes we have to accept that there are CGs we cannot save – some who are unable for one reason or another to have the strength of character to control their terrible addiction and many who feel that they don’t want to do so. You were the one that had to draw the line because you do not have his addiction.
I think the hardest part for me was accepting that my love was not strong enough to conquer everything with someone I loved and finally after 25 years letting go. I couldn’t believe that the loss of everything would not be the bottom line but it wasn’t. The change when it came had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him but I don’t think it would have come without estrangement, so my suggestion is for you to keep moving forward because you are the person you can control. Live a full life with your son and family, doing things that please you, things that were probably put on hold when the addiction was filling your thoughts. Put up barriers and don’t be afraid to feel angry or cry – the tears will stop.
I rebuilt myself Sheryl and I know you can – the best bit is that in the rebuilding you can put in extra strong bricks that were not there before – you can take the terrible experience and make your life better for it.
It would be good to chat in real time in a group sometimes.
Velvet
Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire first.