Gambling Therapy logo

Hi Snow White
Living with a CG (compulsive gambler) in one’s life tends to make one behave like a detective when it is behaviour that one doesn’t like in oneself. It is natural and in my view, sensible. I am pleased to tell you though that the detective persona does go away once you have removed yourself from the addiction.
Your partner may have been telling the truth, as she saw it, at the beginning but small gambling problems have a tendency to lead to greater problems unless they are addressed.
When you say that she knows you are against gambling, I am wondering how strong the terms were that you used to put this message across. If you want her to be straight with you, bearing in mind she doesn’t want you to know whatever you say, it is important that she trusts that you will not use the information against her. She will be vulnerable and she will certainly have low self-esteem which comes from constantly losing,
What doesn’t work with a CG is threats or arguments because they are the masters of such and will use them as an excuse (reason) to gamble. There is a strong possibility she will think “You don’t understand me (trust me), so what have I got to lose – why should I listen to you?”
Back to your question – ‘how do you bring up the subject?’ This is difficult based on all of the above. If she is a CG then you will almost definitely hear lies and possibly she will blame you. You could download the Gamblers Anonymous 20 questions of their website and leave them around for her to find so that she knows you are concerned. You could tell her that you have sought help because you are worried and that you have been told that problem gambling can be controlled. You could say nothing but try and occupy her in hobbies that are not damaging.

The most important thing that, in my opinion, you should do is look after ‘you’ because her addiction will take you down with it if you allow it to do so. You can’t save her but you can support her ‘if’ she wants to change her life.
The ability to gamble thrives on secrecy to obtain enablement. As you don’t live together I am hoping that your finances are completely separate to protect yourself.
I wish you both well and look forward to hearing from you again