#3577
velvet
Moderator

Hi Soph
As I am sure you are aware, alcohol lowers resistance and so together with your boyfriend’s addiction to gamble you are seeing a cycle of poor behaviour with a bad reaction coming from the bad action. I have brought up my thread entitled the F&F Cycle which I hope will help you recognise that what you have experienced is understood. The CG (compulsive gambler) is caught in a never ending cycle of events which requires courage and determination to stop -and the same applies to those who love them
You have done well not shouting at your bf when he returns because shouting, pleading, crying only wears you out and has no effect on his addiction. However you are anxious and on edge the whole time he is out and that is not doing you any good at all – anxiety will take away your self-confidence and self-esteem.
I know that the following suggestion sounds weak in the face of what you are going through but for those of us who love CGs it is the best thing we can do and that is to look after ourselves. The CG addiction is selfish and if your bf determines to change his life, his recovery will be selfish too so unless you determine to be selfish with your life – you could easily become lost in his addiction. Keep up with your friends, don’t hide away, do the things that please ‘you’, the things that maybe you have stopped doing because of worrying about your bf’s addiction such as hobbies and sports. While your bf gambles he has no thought of anything but the gamble so he is not taking any responsibility for your relationship, so looking after you comes down to you. We cannot save the CG we love – we can only save ourselves.
There is a Friends and Family group today between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time – it would be great to talk to you in real time – nothing that is said appears on the forum.
I know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled which is why I write in this forum. Keep posting – it is therapeutic to write and you will always be heard.
Velvet