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#6908
velvet
Moderator

HI Steph
To answer your final question first, there is no ‘cure’ for the addiction to gamble but the addiction can be controlled, or I wouldn’t be writing to you.
Good support is great for a gambling addict and I suggest that you read as much as you can about the addiction so that you can make an informed decision about what you want to do from now on.
I find it very strange that his meeting should ‘tell’ him to break up with you unless he has portrayed you as some sort of trigger for his addiction– it is not the way I would expect a normal GA meeting would behave unless they had been convinced of the unsuitability of his relationship.
His work ethic is typical of many compulsive gamblers – long hours for big salaries means they have the wherewithal to gamble. It is only when work dies off, or debts become too great, that such gamblers become concerned. In my opinion, if you are communicating with his father, it would be a good idea if you could suggest to him that bailing a compulsive gambler out from his debts is equal to giving an alcoholic a drink. Removing the debt clears the slate giving the gambler the ability to gamble further, thus keeping the addiction alive. The addiction to gamble is all about the ‘gamble’ – money is the means to an end, it is a tool, it is not the goal.
Attending meetings ‘on and off’ suggest that, maybe, he is not determined to face his demons. Meetings do help the determined gambler provided they are prepared to listen.
You cannot save your boyfriend Steph but you can support him by not enabling him. The addiction to gamble can take loved ones all the way down if they allow it so it is important that you look after yourself. If you are worn out and full of the cares of his addiction you will not be able to help yourself, or him.
Please keep posting and asking questions. I will understand whatever you decide to do.
velvet