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I have been in your position so many times and am still in that positon. I have bet so many games over the past 12 years and that has transitioned to scratch offs, slot machines, and anything gambling related. I live off of guilt of knowing what I have done that all I want to do is win it back and stop. It will never happen. I have great support around me but so many people (family and friends) dont understand like others do. It’s hard to hold that guilt inside and go along like we have an “ordinary” life when really we feel so much pain and anger and can’t express our feelings without the feeling of being judged. I support you in your recovery because I know how hard it is to conquer. As soon as we can accept the fact we will never see that money again and we need to go earn it back and cut our losses, then we can start progressing. That is what I am having a hard time trying to accept and it sounds like you are as well. We can move past this problem with proper support and the right mentality. You got this!