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#6270
velvet
Moderator

Hi Sunny
I am glad you have sought help; it is a lonely business living with someone with a gambling addiction.
Compulsive gamblers often work hard so that they have the money to gamble; do you think your husband has to work as hard as he is doing or is he putting in extra hours to get extra gambling money?
It is common for a compulsive gambler to spend every waking hour thinking about the next gamble, believing it to be the most important thing in their life – and then when the ability to gamble is removed they can feel a massive void and not know what to do with their time and thoughts.
Did he used to have hobbies and friends before his addiction gripped him. Do you have a circle of friends that he could be included in? Do you have hobbies in which he could participate?
Your husband has asked you to get him help but you don’t feel able to make the appointment. I believe that your husband should make the appointment himself but as he is dragging his feet maybe you could suggest you do it together.
Try and not get into the big fight Sunny, fighting, along with pleading and threatening, is a waste of energy where this addiction is concerned; it wears you out and doesn’t change a thing.
I have brought my thread ‘The F&F Cycle’ up for you to show you how easy it is to get caught up in the cycle of addiction.
It seems to me from what you have said that he is trying to control his addiction without dedicated support but this site and GA wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t important to get the right treatment. I am sure that meditation is beneficial but I believe he needs real direction.
The addiction to gamble is like having a head full of water which distorts thoughts and doesn’t allow any breathing space – with support your husband can learn to tip out some of that water making room for honest, logical thought.
It is more than a bad habit Sunny, a bad habit can be cured but addiction has to be controlled – there is no cure but it is because I ‘know’ that the addiction to gamble can be controlled that I am writing this to you now.
Accepting an addiction is a big step, taking responsibility and acting upon that acceptance takes courage and determination.
We have an excellent Helpline on this site which your husband can contact, it is anonymous and one-to-one; he would be very welcome. Maybe you could download the 20-questions from the Gamblers Anonymous web site, it might help him to realise he is not alone but that there is real and good support for him.
I hope you will keep posting. I believe that those who love compulsive gamblers also need support and recovery from this debilitating addiction.
Velvet