I too have an addicted son and like Velvet and Monique have some idea of the frustration and heartbreak you feel.
It is so far in my life the hardest thing I have had to deal with. You have made things hugely better for yourself by connecting with others on this site. To know you are not alone and to see others who have survived and thrived whether or not their CG ever enters recovery gave me so much strength.
As the ladies mentioned please take care of yourself. There is absolutely no point or good done by you going down with the ship! You are of no value to your son if you are not in a good place. They have a way of making us feel that this problem of their own making is our problem to help fix. I can honestly say I have had times where I truly thought I was losing my mind and I didn’t know up from down. Though I resented hearing it the only person you can help is yourself… your CG will only change his life when he is ready.
As Velvet mentioned arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can and don’t do this alone… we all need support!