Hi Tired Mama
You are not making a deal over nothing but it is not for me to ever say that a person should leave or stay with their gambler husband – such a decision has to be yours but decisions are best made with knowledge.
Sadly the addiction to gamble does get worse if it is not accepted and treated.
Perhaps you could download the 20-Questions from the Gambler’s Anonymous website and give them to your husband, or maybe leave them around for him to find if he is being angry and confrontational, they might help him to realise he is not alone and that there is support for him. His anger is common to a gambler who is in denial of his behaviour or has no desire to stop. It might be that your husband is afraid to face his demons and he therefore lashes out at you, his closest target, hoping to make you stop questioning his behaviour, behaviour that he will not understand. The likelihood is that you husband does not like the man he has become but is unaware of what to do about it – his addiction is real and frightening to both of you. Nobody would choose to be a compulsive gambler.
Your husband’s addiction is not about making money, it is only about the ‘gamble’. Money is a tool for gambling, it is not the goal. It isn’t the family finances therefore that are the greatest concern, it is your health, the health of those around him and his own health that are paramount. Your husband can learn to control his addiction and live a wonderful gamble-free life but he has to accept responsibility for his behaviour first.
It is good that he has admitted that he is gambling.
I cannot tell you what to do but every time a gambler’s debts are cleared, the way opens up to gamble more.
We have a wonderful Helpline on this site that is accessible to you and your husband; we offer facilitated groups for gamblers where your husband can share with others who want to live in control of their addictions. Everything we offer is anonymous and your husband will be understood. Maybe you could tell him that you have sought support for you – many gamblers do not feel that their loved ones need support too.
Please keep posting, I know how lonely it is to have this addiction in your family and not know what to do but there is no need for secrecy.
Velvet