I am not surprised you are angry, I am glad that your outpouring at least helped you feel a little better.
Is it impossible for you both to find the time to go to your counselling again if it was helping? If your husband could get the support he needs your lives could be easier and everything else you do would be enhanced by it.
Sadly it doesn’t take nerve or the lack of it for a CG to gamble when there is nothing in the bank and debt is piled high – it takes an addiction that is hard to beat but not impossible.
With your husband’s mind so full of addiction he won’t hear the message of the Church anymore than he can hear and disseminate what you are saying. He needs treatment.
I am so pleased that you are thinking about how ‘you’ feel; maybe you could get back to counselling just for you because you do matter so very much.
I understand mother’s putting their children before themselves but you have to be careful that in so doing you don’t become weakened because your children need you to be strong for them. To cope with this addiction it often means that you have to put yourself first so that you are fit enough to cope with the needs of the children. It isn’t selfish – if putting yourself last has not achieved anything then perhaps it is time to try something different.
Children usually see far more than they are given credit for when it comes to this addiction. They can love both parents but not be blinkered to an addicted parent manipulating and causing pain to the other parent. It can lead them to being confused and unsure who they can trust. However much you try and hide it, I suspect your anguish will be felt.
You are waiting on the day that your husband leaves you for someone else. Does this mean that you want him to make a decision that you think could be right for you?
I am hoping that our member called Twilight finds your thread. She is the daughter of a CG and now as an adult she is able to speak for children who cannot speak for themselves.
It would be great to meet you in a group, click on ‘Support Groups’ at the top of this page for times. Nothing said in an F&F group appears on the forum.
Please keep posting until you are ready to make the right decisions for you, your children and ultimately for your husband. You have done so well writing this post – it must have taken a lot of courage – well done.